The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .

But when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay guys want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow with time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears this content off and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

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